Living With PTSD

PTSD : post-traumatic stress disorder. It's a mental health condition, that is triggered by witnessing or living through the traumatic event. Can be associated with Rape Trauma Syndrome.

The US National Comorbidity Survey Report estimates the lifetime prevalence of PTSD among North Americans to be 7.8%. The lifetime prevalence of PTSD for women who have been sexually assaulted is 50%. Moreover, sexual assault is the most frequent cause of PTSD in women, with one study reporting that 94% of women experienced PTSD symptoms during the first two weeks after an assault.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2018, after several sessions with my therapist and psychologist.

That's 7 (!) years after rape happened.

At first, I didn't believe them. This diagnosis was something I only associated with veterans, people from war zones and those who experienced terrorist attacks.

What in the hell did it have to do with me?

Yes, I went through a traumatic event, but to my knowledge, I only had some unpleasant memories of it and maybe, some difficulties building a relationship.

I didn't associate anything else with being raped.

However, now I know - If you have been assaulted, it is important to pay attention to any subsequent changes in your thoughts or behavior. For me, it started with terrible anxiety every time I was in an empty subway car, too close to a stranger, in an unexpected circumstances or unknown streets.

Then the depression hit. I wouldn't get out of bed for days, sleep 16 hours straight.

I will write separately on all those struggles.

What got me into therapy and eventually being diagnosed - was a major panic attack.

That is what it took for me to finally notice.

I should've listened to my body but I didn't. I hope you won't make my mistakes.

Please don't expect to "heal" from PTSD. I think it will take a lifetime to learn how to cope and manage stressful situations. Trauma affects every part of our being and unfortunately anything can trigger what you thought was done and over with.

Also, keep in mind that recovery from psychological issues due to sexual assault related PTSD is not solely an individual challenge, but also a challenge for those close to the affected individual. We live through times of #MeToo, sexist administration and never-ending questioning of women. Society just won't let us heal completely.

So don't be harsh on yourself.

Recovery from sexual- assault- related Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is not solely measured by eliminating symptoms or achieving specific outcomes. Healing from this trauma does not mean that the survivor will forget the experience or never again experience any symptoms. Rather, successful recovery is subjective and measured by whether the survivor increases his or her involvement in the present, acquires skills and attitudes to regain control of his of her life, forgive him or herself for guilt, shame and other negative cognition, and gain stress reduction skills for overall better functioning.